


Mark McMorris Downloads Grindr and Finds the Most Amazing Dick Pic

by BelaCinderella



Category: Olympics RPF, Real Person Fiction, Snowboarding RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-13 05:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1213924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelaCinderella/pseuds/BelaCinderella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows that the pic belongs to someone in the same building as him, but other than that, it's a mystery. He sets out on a quest to find who owns the magnificent penis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> This is a WIP on the SochiGamesKink meme on LJ. I'm literally making it up as I go, so I have no idea who owns the Mystery Penis or if the fic will take a turn for the Explicit later. We'll see...

It was a slow Thursday night after practice in Sochi and Mark was bored. He'd already eaten as much as his coach would let him, beaten a high score on Flappy Bird (he was up to a whopping 10), and, lying on his bed, had thrown his phone into the air exactly 52 times before he missed a catch and it landed on his face. Sighing, he rolled over and unlocked the screen, opening the app store and selecting "Top Free." So he was a cheapskate? So what? Less money on apps meant more for food. Or clothes. Or whatever.

Scrolling past several variations of pink dress up games, and something that looked like a Frogger knockoff, he saw a little yellow icon with a black mask. He paused. "Grindr," it said. The name sounded familiar, but he couldn't remember who was talking about it. He selected it, and up popped "The new sleek and sexy Grindr makes it easier and faster for you to meet your perfect guy." 

"My perfect guy, huh?" said Mark. He hit download. As the little progress bar filled up he sighed, "goddamn, I'm gonna regret this." 

He answered the questions on his little profile. He said his name was Mark, he said he was white, and he said he was athletic. He figured that anyone else who had it would be able to noodle through who that was. He wasn't sure about the photo, so he put up one of him on his board in full gear. There. Even an idiot could figure out who he was now. He realized that now that he had the app, he'd better use it. With a little hesitation, he opened up the window with all the other single guys nearby, and was flooded with a number of options, ranging from 25 feet (must be next door) to several hundred feet (other countries' buildings). He recognized a few people that he scrolled past, but wasn't entirely surprised by the offerings. 

He was about to close down the app and go to sleep, when he saw the pic. Not just any pic, but probably one of the most awe inspiring dick pics ever, and that came from Mark as a no-homo-just-bros standpoint, and a I-totally-want-to-get-at-that standpoint. He just kind of sat there for a minute before he realized he could open the profile and make the photo bigger. 

"Shit," he whispered, then sucked his lips in when he realized he's said it out loud. "Shit," he thought again. It was a legit drool-worthy dick. He wasn't sure if he wanted to have it, or wanted it to have him. "Oh God, um" he said, then had the wherewithal to check the name. "Sochi14Guy" said the name. The description said "athletic." 

"Wow, thanks, dude," said Mark. He checked the little distance-o-meter, "57 feet? That could be in this building. That is in this building. Holy shit, I'm from the same country as the man with the best dick I've ever seen. Holy shit. Holy shit, maybe if I contact him..." Mark flopped back onto the bed, face first. He doubted that the guy would respond. 

"What if it's one of the hockey guys? I mean, I guess... What if it's Patrick Chan? Would not. What if it's one of the bobsled guys? ...Yeah, would. I mean, I guess I could ask around in the morning... More importantly, I should stop talking to myself and go to bed." 

Mark starred Sochi14Guy and made sure to set his alarm before he went to sleep.


	2. A Dude in Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe the other boys can help...

"Hey guys," Mark said, dropping his plate down on to a mess hall table next to Maxence and Sebastien. Max looked up and nodded, and Seb flicked a piece of egg at Mark.

"Thanks, man," said Mark, wiping it onto the floor, "how you feeling after last night's run?" 

Seb shrugged, "it was fine, nothing too bad, but not amazing, you know?" Max nodded as Mark started eating, "same. I felt fine but the snow was weird? I don't know what's up with this course." 

"...Speaking of weird," started Mark. It was now or never. He had half a plate of breakfast left to eat if the conversation got strange, but it was fine, "any of you using Grindr while we're here?" he slid in, as casually as possible. 

"Um, that gay dating app thing?" said Max. 

"Yeah." 

"Why? Are you using it?" 

"Uh, maybe." 

"Right on, man," said Sebastien, taking a sip of his protein shake. 

"Wait, wait, are _you_ using it?" asked Max, turning to look at Seb. 

"What's so bad about that?" asked Seb, making a face at Max. 

"Well, nothing. I just... nothing, dude, just wasn't expecting it. Is it good?" 

"Why, you want a review?" 

"No, but if the getting's better than on Tinder, then maybe I'll download it too," said Max, shrugging, "Tinder's so overcrowded, but everyone's so damn picky. Oooh, you're _too_ tall for me, you're not _handsome_ enough," he said in falsetto. 

Seb laughed, "it's ok, I guess. Anyway, Mark, did you find someone?" 

"Well that's just the thing. I came across..." he trailed off. How was he going to couch this? Seb might be using Grindr, and Max apparently wasn't averse to this "lifestyle", but it's still difficult telling your best friends that you found a life-changing dick pic on a dating app. 

Seb raised an eyebrow, "you came across... your mom?" 

"No, asshole. No, ok, this is going to sound really desperate and weird, but I found what I can probably say is the best dick pic I've ever seen in my life. Except I don't know who it is. I know they're in this building, but that's it," Mark finished, a little breathlessly. T-minus 5 seconds to complete humiliation at the hands of these two. Five, four, three- 

"Ok, dude, pull up the pic. I'll tell you if it's life-changing," said Max. 

"Wait, what?" 

"I said, pull up the goddamn pic. Let's see this Mystery Dick," said Max. Mark pulled out his phone and opened up the app. There was Sochi14Guy. They sat in silence for a second. 

"This guy's got a great username," said Seb, finally breaking the quiet, "very descriptive." 

"You're focusing on the username?" asked Max, his voice breaking a little on the last word. 

"Well, we know what you're focusing on," said Sebastien. 

"Shut the fuck up, man," said Max. He then put a hand on Mark's shoulder, "as a good wingman and best friend, plus as a newly converted believer in the Church of Sochi14Guy's a.k.a. Mystery Dick's Amazing Penis, I will help you on your quest to find this man. You have my ax." 

"And my bow," said Seb, "we're going to find this guy." 

"Hey, look, the distance thing says he's 20 feet away," said Max.


	3. Narrowing the Field

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark finds the candidates for Mystery Dick

"20 feet. 20 fucking feet. Like, okay, who's in this room? Who do you think it could be?" said Mark, whipping his head from side to side, trying to scope every dude in the room.

"Bro, chill, don't look creepy and desperate," said Max, "besides, if you pick out a dude you hope it is, and it's not him, then you'll be super disappointed later, penis or not." 

"That's true," said Sebastien, "don't assign amazing penises to people who might not have them. Unlike me." 

"Who fucking asked you?" said Max, "we're worried about Mark here." 

"Um, okay, well, we're sitting in the middle of the room, right? What do you think, thirty feet wide or so? Definitely in this room?" said Mark. 

"Yeah, definitely." 

"I'm gonna barf. Well, I guess breakfast is over," said Mark. 

"Okay, first of all, stop acting like a girl with a crush. You're getting so worked up over a guy who you might not even know or like. Secondly, go get more food. See if the distance meter changes. I'm not sure about how accurate it is," said Seb, practical as always. 

"Alright," said Mark, grabbing his plate. He wanted a few more sausages anyway, shitty pun not intended. He got to the line and checked his phone. 15 feet, it said. Not much, but it was an improvement. He looked in a 15 ft circle around him and saw four guys. He could work with that number. He grabbed a few sausages and went back to the table. 

"Sausages, huh? Subliminal message?" asked Seb. 

"Yes," said Mark, and slid nearly a whole one into his mouth, maintaining unwavering eye contact with Sebastien the whole time. Seb looked away first. "Alright, I was up getting food, and it said I was 15 feet away. In a fifteen foot circle around me there were four guys." 

"Sweet," said Max, "who were they?" 

"Alex Bilodeau-" 

"Wait, the skier?" asked Max. 

"Yes, the skier. Then there was Scott Moir, but he was standing with Tessa, so I think we can rule him out." 

"He's a figure skater," said Max. 

"Well, yeah, but, aren't he and Tessa a thing?" asked Mark. 

"First, I don't think so. Second, figure skaters are pretty open. He'd let you give him a blowie," said Seb. 

"Don't call it that. That's so gross. The third guy was Patrick Sharp," continued Mark, a little annoyed at the interruptions. 

"The hockey player can get it," said Seb. 

"Yeah. And the last guy standing near me was Matt Margetts, another skier," Mark finished. There was a pause as the boys digested this information. 

"So... can you think of a plausible reason to get into their pants?" asked Max. 

"Wait, what?" 

"Well, my friend, if you want to figure out whose dick that is, you're going to have to get into their pants. First hand evidence, and stuff. And, I mean, as far as options, you nabbed some great ones. You could have to fuck Kevin Reynolds," offered Max. 

"Stop, okay, yes, thank you for that visual," said Mark, "but, I mean, I have to fuck all of them?" 

"Well, we could help, but I think you would conduct better... research," said Max. 

"Just go in order," said Seb, "which means you start with...?" 

"Alex Bilodeau, yeah," said Mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys are enjoying this, please let me know. Comments and kudos are always appreciated, and let me know if you have someone in mind as the owner of Mystery Dick! Someone I already chose? Someone I left out? Tell me!


	4. Snow Strategies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex Bilodeau is the first candidate up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (yo, I ain't got NO idea what is going on in this chapter. Getting back into this story after being away for so long was a trip, so be gentle when reading this. Also very very un-beta'd, so...)

Alex was walking to the elevators after breakfast and Mark jogged to catch up. He slid into the car just as the doors began to close.

"Hey man," Mark said, a little breathlessly, looking at... well anything but Alex. 

"Good morning, Mark," said Alex, looking straight at him. Mark wiped his palms on his pants. 

"So, uh, how was the morning run? How's the snow?" Mark said. 

"Well, it was soft, but that is to be expected. They did not freeze it quite as well as I had hoped. But it is the same snow for you, no?" 

Mark hadn't thought about that, "haha, yeah, I guess it is. But, snow needs to be a little softer for skiiers, doesn't it?" Mark was talking out his ass now, he didn't know too much about skiiing. Well, he knew as much as anyone, which was not much. 

Alex nodded thoughtfully, "yes, I suppose. But not too soft, or else we'll sink into it. Much the same for snowboarding though. There is less difference between skiing and snowboarding than some people might be led to believe." 

The elevator had come to a stop and Alex was getting off. Mark hesitated for a moment before quickly stepping off after him, then realized he wasn't sure what excuse he would have. 

Alex turned to see Mark behind him, "don't you live on the next floor, Mark?" 

"Haha, yeah, I do. I mean, like... wait, are you stalking me?" Mark laughed, but Alex's brow knit together, "no, not that's like, a bad thing, I just, I was surprised you knew where... anyway, um" Mark trailed off. 

"No, Mark, I am not stalking you, but it isn't hard to imagine that a snowboarder would be staying on the same floor as the rest of the snowboarding team." 

"Oh right. I guess that makes sense. Um, but yeah, no, I was wondering if like, maybe we could discuss, uh, snow strategies," Mark looked over into the courtyard. That could have been, perhaps, the worst lie he'd ever told. Terrible delivery, awful idea, just bad in general. He hoped ALex wouldn't say anything terribly mean to him about it. 

"Wouldn't you rather talk to your coaches, Mark, who probably know more about snowboarding than I do?" 

Mark laughed, "how many times can you talk to your coaches before you get tired of them, right?" 

Alex nodded, "I mean, sure, but I was going to take a shower." 

"Oh that's fine," Mark said quickly, then his eyes widened, "I mean, I'll like, leave, when you get in, since, like that's..." 

Alex shook his head, then motioned for Mark to follow him, "my door is just down here," walking down two doors and pulling out a room key. He opened the door and the comfortable smell of warmth and person washed over Mark as he stepped in. He wondered if his room smelled like this to other people. Alex turned to face him, "so what is it you wanted to ask me?" 

Mark stopped for a moment, trying to think up a good lie, before Alex stepped a little closer, "Mark, I saw your Grindr profile." 

Mark looked at him, eyes wide, "wha- what? Do you..." 

Alex laughed, "do I have one? Yes, of course. And I saw you had one too." 

Mark cleared throat, "that's um, well that's unexpected. I mean, wait. What's your username?" 

Alex's eyebrows came down a little, "ABskiier87. It's not very clever, but at least it's obvious." 

"Oh, I see. I mean, yes, I have a Grindr, but that's not why I... I mean, look, man, I'm sorry. I must've-" 

"No, no, the fault is mine. I read into it," said Alex, stepping back and shaking his head, "did you actually want to talk about, um, skiing?" 

"Haha, no, not really actually. I mean, you were sort of right, but not the right person. Listen, man, I'm really, I'm really sorry about this. I'd better let you get to your shower. I have to," Mark motioned at the door. 

Alex nodded, then walked Mark to the door, "again, I am very sorry." 

Mark laughed, "don't be, we both kinda fucked up, I guess. I'll see you around," he gave a wave as he walked back to the elevator. As soon as he heard the door close he whipped out his cell phone from his pocket. 

Mark: _ok, got into Alex's apt. He has a Grindr but he's not Sochi14Guy_

Max: _that sucks bro. did u ask him who Sochi14Guy might be?_

Mark: _shit, no. Should i?_

Max: _no, that'll be weird. just go back to ur room, we'll figure out the nxt step_

The elevator door opened and Mark got on, pressing the button for the next floor.


End file.
